• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Funny how government advice changes!


    August - EOHO (Eat Out to Help Out)


    September - DUFO (Drink up, **** Off)
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      The local stationary shop has moved. How ironic
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Covid 19, Aids and the Black Death walk into a bar.


        Barman says, “**** OFF IT’S AFTER TEN AND BORIS SAYS YOU ARE BARRED!”
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          That's Christmas sorted.




          I'm gonna kill the turkey, and invite 30 people around for the funeral.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.


            It's only got one track, mind.
            …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

            Comment


              Brexit was supposed to turn the UK into an economic superman, but all we have ended up with are more clerks in Kent
              …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

              Comment


                Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween.
                It’s terrible for the environment.

                Locally sourced, all natural cyclist skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.
                …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

                Comment


                  I've just been diagnosed with terminal D.I.Y shoppers syndrome.
                  I've been given six Wickes to live.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    I don’t know how these chain smokers do it.


                    I can’t get mine to light.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      "Don't get too drunk and make sure you're home by 10".


                      Reminds me of being 14.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X