Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Twenty-six years after the Chernobyl disaster, and am I the only one that’s disappointed?





Still no superheroes.

[vetran]

The police say they burn all the weed they confiscate.


That would explain the doughnuts.

[vetran]

Heard on the radio today that global warming is being caused by methane emissions from cows. Does this mean scientists are finally admitting global warming is bullsh*t?

[vetran]

The UK government has recently referred to payday loan companies as “idiotic” for trying to target children and get them into debt. I agree, everyone knows the best way to get a child into debt is to offer them a student loan.

[vetran]

That Starbucks advert has taught me a few things...


The main one is it doesn’t matter what you’re put down as on government records, the NHS, education archives, birth certificate...


It’s what some 16 year old barista writes on your coffee cup that tells you who you really are.

[vetran]

I had my leg X-rayed at my BUPA health check today - the doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.I said: 'Inch-high knees?'He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高'

[vetran]

Just been attacked by a ginger kid doing martial arts...



turns out he was the Carroty Kid

[WTFH]

Breaking news: EVERYONE at John Lennon Airport have just been placed into quarantine.
Imagine! All the people.

[rik sherman]

The 3 hardest things to say are

1. I was wrong
2. I need help
3. Worcestershire sauce

[Old Greg]

I got a call from Darren @ Acme Recruitment: "Hi Greg, I've got this great contract come up just down the road from you, 200 per day for the first 6 months, then going up to 500 per day."

Me: "Sounds good, Darren."

Darren: "Great, Greg! When can you start?"

Me: "In six months."