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Please put more jokes here

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    "I hear you split up with your wife.""I did. Would you stay with someone who sat about in their bra and pants all day, drinking Gin and watching Loose Woman?""I sure wouldn't.""Well, neither would she."

    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Large crystal ball for sale. Only £50, but you will haggle me down and buy it for £35.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I want to start a messaging app called Noise. Deliberately aimed at conversation groups not being used for what they were set up for.

        Our KPI would be the Signal to Noise ratio.
        Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

        Comment


          Virgin Media have launched their new 5G network.
          Its called 5G Spot.



          I can't bloody find it anywhere.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I went to pay for the work that the garage had done on my car today, the cashier asked, "Would you like to cover your parts?"


            I said, "No thank you!"


            She said, "You'll have to wait outside then, you're scaring the customers."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              My neighbour had a female domestic worker in his home. I hadn't seen her in a while, so naturally I inquired...


              "How's your housemaid?" I asked.


              He thought for a second, then said, "With bricks and cement, like most others."
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Do you have RC Cola?


                No but we have some arrogant Pepsi.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  A man was stopped by the Police at around 2am


                  The Officer asked him where he was going at that time of the night


                  The man replied - " I'm on my way to the a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body as well as smoking and staying out late"
                  The Officer then asked - really? Whos giving that lecture at this time of night?


                  The man replied " That would be my Wife!
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I'm not worried about taking Viagra.


                    I mean, how hard can it be?
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My wife who is furloughed from teaching, got the sack as a volunteer at the Covid testing facility.


                      Force of habit made her give children the result she thought they would get, without testing them.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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