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Please put more jokes here

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    My mate said “I’ve just seen John Travolta buying two gooses.”


    “That’s not how you say it,” I replied.


    “Well what is it then?” he asked.


    I said “Geese is the word.”
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I never keep my new year resolutions!

      My new years resolution is to not have intercourse with supermodels.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        What do you call a gay Muslim?






        Mandeep.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          After missing a year of schooling this future generation will be good for only one profession ....
          Teaching.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I run a protection service for rodents.


            I don’t advertise it though, I rely on word of mouse.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I thought I'd take my stamp collection to impress a girl on our first date


              She said philately will get you nowhere
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                So later tonight, one of the biggest nobheads in the country is going to talk live on national TV, grinning into the camera like a simpleton while he sets out what he’s going to do next in his irritating, bumbling voice.

                And after Klopps’s pre-match interview you can then switch over to watch Boris at 8.
                The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                Comment


                  My wife has just set a new personal best in the 100m sprint.

                  73m
                  The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                  Comment


                    White van men are quitting watching Doctor Who.
                    They could handle the dodgy cheap props.
                    They could handle the hammy acting and crap alien outfits.
                    They could handle the introduction of a black companion.
                    They could handle the introduction of an Asian companion.
                    They could even handle the introduction of a female doctor.
                    But, with a scouser joining the show, they're done.
                    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                    Comment


                      2021 has not started well.

                      I paid a joiner up front to make a double bed for me, but he's done a bunk.
                      It's one thing on top of another.

                      Comment

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