Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

My brother in law has just got a new dog that he's trained to fetch his wine for him …it’s a Bordeaux collie

[NotAllThere]

To who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my word!

[sadkingbilly]

I'm busy following a recipe and it says "chill in the fridge for an hour."
I've got a book, some snacks and a pint but it's very cramped in here.

[sadkingbilly]

guy's sat in a toilet at a big bike rally and immediately lets out an echoing, rippingly loud fart.
Dry voice from another cubicle says: "Bit more choke and she would have started".

[sadkingbilly]

in the beginning, there was god.
and a void.
and god looked out into the void, and said.................
I know you're out there somewhere you bastard!!!
🙂 🙂 < from a toilet wall, in crouch end, london, circa 1976>

[sadkingbilly]

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub, but somehow it's a 20 minute walk back.
The difference is staggering...

[NotAllThere]

Today's random dad joke.

-What is a ninja's favourite type of footwear?

-Sneakers!

Did you hear the rumour about the butter? No? Well I'm not going to spread it.

[WTFH]

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed the Sea Señor.

[NotAllThere]

Today's random dad joke.

-What is a ninja's favourite type of footwear?

-Sneakers!

[WTFH]

I advertised my Hornby locomotive and attendant coal wagon.

Got a call from Elvis.

Didn’t want the train but he loved me tender.

[WTFH]

Accidentally said “Shirley” instead of “Siri” and now my phone is stuck in Airplane mode.

[NotAllThere]

Give a man a duck and you'll feed him for a week

Teach a man to duck and he'll avoid low flying objects.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day.
Teach him how to fish and you can be shot of him for an entire weekend.

[WTFH]

Give a man a duck and you'll feed him for a week

Teach a man to duck and he'll avoid low flying objects.

[vetran]

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck! Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck! Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

[vetran]

NLyUK drops off her dress to the dry cleaners
The lady says, "Come Again!"
NLyUK says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."