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Please put more jokes here

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    I just told my suitcases we aren't going on vacation this year.



    Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I remember receiving my 25m swimming certificate in junior school.

      It came in the world's largest envelope.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        '...Do you think it's fair that only one company is allowed to make the game Monopoly?'
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          After the relief of safely fleeing the Taliban for a new life in Britain, it only takes a couple of days in Sheffield to bring you back down to earth.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            "Emma from down the street just showed me a picture of her new baby on her phone." Paddy said to his wife.

            "That's great," she beamed, "So, what did she have?"

            Paddy replied, "One of those flip Samsungs."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Sky news "people crushed to death in evacuation chaos at Kabul airport"

              Surely if these were truly British citizens needing evacuation they would know how to queue properly.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                "Does my bum look big in this skirt?"


                "Hang on, I think it's the light. There, that's better."


                "Turn it back on."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Well my missus didn't die from a serious illness, my son didn't die from covid and is recovering well, and my dog recovered from Pyometra.


                  All well and good you may say, but it's proper mucked my million selling country and western song up.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Peter Corby, the inventor of the trouser press has died. Rest in crease
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Kylie Jenner is pregnant.

                      It was awkward when they asked Kylie if she knew the sex, Kylie said, "I think that time it was in the limo."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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