Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

The Essex limbo championships.



Harlow can you go.

[vetran]

Normally you pull out to avoid consequences.


Not if you're President!

[WTFH]

The CEO of IKEA was elected as prime minister of Sweden three weeks ago.


He's still assembling his cabinet.

[WTFH]

I didn't think orthopaedic shoes would help me, but I stand corrected.

[vetran]

If you have thirteen apples in one hand and ten oranges in the other hand, what do you have?

Very big hands.

[vetran]

Apparently Glasgow is the murder capital of Europe, while simultaneously the friendliest city in Europe. How do they work that one out?

Is it when a Glaswegian stabs you, they give you directions to the hospital?

[vetran]

Afghanistan should be given a nobel peace award.
Taliban land mines have reduced the carbon footprint, they have stopped airplanes from leaving the country and reduced air pollution.
What has Greta done??

[vetran]

A few more useful Latin quotations.

Quid pro quo….Here’s a pound for that old rock album.
Ars gratia artis….is that a Reubens painting ?
In loco parentis…my dad drives trains for a living.
Ex officio…Matt Hancock
Cum laude….noisy shaggers next door.

[vetran]

My wife said I should masticate more when having my tea.

Well I would, but she's the one who won't get her tits out.

[vetran]

If you're ever feeling useless and there's no point to your life.
Just remember, it took 20 years, 4 Presidents and trillions of dollars to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.