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Please put more jokes here

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    The Essex limbo championships.



    Harlow can you go.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Normally you pull out to avoid consequences.


      Not if you're President!
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        The CEO of IKEA was elected as prime minister of Sweden three weeks ago.


        He's still assembling his cabinet.
        {emotionless greeting}

        Three Word Slogan

        Comment


          I didn't think orthopaedic shoes would help me, but I stand corrected.
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

          Comment


            If you have thirteen apples in one hand and ten oranges in the other hand, what do you have?

            Very big hands.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Apparently Glasgow is the murder capital of Europe, while simultaneously the friendliest city in Europe. How do they work that one out?

              Is it when a Glaswegian stabs you, they give you directions to the hospital?
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Afghanistan should be given a nobel peace award.
                Taliban land mines have reduced the carbon footprint, they have stopped airplanes from leaving the country and reduced air pollution.
                What has Greta done??
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  A few more useful Latin quotations.

                  Quid pro quo….Here’s a pound for that old rock album.
                  Ars gratia artis….is that a Reubens painting ?
                  In loco parentis…my dad drives trains for a living.
                  Ex officio…Matt Hancock
                  Cum laude….noisy shaggers next door.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    My wife said I should masticate more when having my tea.

                    Well I would, but she's the one who won't get her tits out.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      If you're ever feeling useless and there's no point to your life.
                      Just remember, it took 20 years, 4 Presidents and trillions of dollars to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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