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Please put more jokes here

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    Dennis Law was asked if he thought his old team could beat the current Manchester United team.
    His reply was, "Yes".
    Asked what the score would be he said, "One nil".
    When asked why it would only be one nil he replied, "Most of us are in our eighties "
    {emotionless greeting}

    Three Word Slogan

    Comment


      I've just set up a cheap, backstreet, gender reassignment clinic if anyone is interested in a bargain?

      It's a bloody rip off though
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I went to an AA meeting the other day.


        They couldn't do anything about my blown head gasket, but I got some handy tips for my alcohol addiction
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My wife said, "Would you like to try a bit of role reversal in bed tonight?"

          "No chance," I replied, "I've got a headache."
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Dennis Waterman?s funeral is to be held at 12pm in a child?s soft play centre with his family in attendance.

            Right people, right time, just the wrong location.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I got fired from my factory job packing alarm clocks. At the Job Centre, I was asked, "What kind of things did you work with?"

              I replied, "Ticking boxes."


              I start work in the BBC Drama department on Monday.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I've recently started using Zimmer frames - now that?s a product I can get behind.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  When chatting girls up, don't tell them your hobby is stamp-collecting.

                  Philately will get you nowhere.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Blackpool, Morecambe, Margate, Bournemouth etc.

                    All these seaside towns felt they needed to build a large structure jutting out into the sea.

                    Just shows what pier pressure can do.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My inflatable house got a puncture last night.



                      Now I'm living in a flat.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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