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Please put more jokes here

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    I got one of those 'parachute experience' days from the wife, on saturday.


    She had me folding her knickers in the launderette.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      There was a Redtit in my garden today.

      Admittedly, it was only a Bluetit before I shot it.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Whenever I stay at a friends house they always say "You can't half snore!"

        Some people have weird house rules.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          They say that sex is a great form of exercise.

          Which would explain why the people who don't get any are always fat.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            An insane woman will talk gibberish...

            And a sane woman will talk gibberish until she drives her man insane.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              It's all go being a mental health doctor for single women.

              After committing a Miss Demeanor earlier. I'm now being charged with Miss Conduct
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I met her in a club down in old Soho where we drank champagne and it taste just like cherry cola.

                And I thought I'd been conned at THAT point.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  The wife's still not talking to me after we went looking for a little runaround for her.

                  "We were thinking something like a Mini," she said to the car salesman.

                  I couldn't help but high five the cheeky ****er when he asked, "Did you mean 'minibus'?"
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    What's the difference between a circus tent, and employment in the UK?

                    With the tent, the poles are easily removed.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Why does every one hate Syria?

                      Because it never understands voice commands.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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