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Please put more jokes here

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    Just played angry birds.

    They're twins who both thought they were my girlfriend.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I've just been to see a bollywood pantomime ;

      It's a bit like a British panto really , when the villain was stalking the heroine the audience all called out
      " He be Hindu ! "
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Bought my girlfriend a new kindle and offered to download some autobiographies for her

        But she told me she doesn't like books about cars
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          It's really awkward when my sister comes round, she got married recently and while on honeymoon in Africa her husband got attacked and raped by a jumbo.

          No one can mention the elephant in the groom.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Originally posted by vetran View Post
            It's really awkward when my sister comes round, she got married recently and while on honeymoon in Africa her husband got attacked and raped by a jumbo.

            No one can mention the elephant in the groom.


            This bird right, gets examined in A&E, and the consultant realises she has been raped, so he call the police.
            The police arrive , but the woman refuses to talk. eventually the wpc gets her to agree she had been raped.
            The consultant chipped in and says, 'but there must have been a gang of them'
            The woman bursts into tears again.
            eventually the wpc gets her to talk, an elephant had dragged her up an alley and raped her.
            The consultant ships in again. 'No, there must have been a herd of them'
            The woman bursts into tears again.
            eventually the wpc gets her to talk, 'no, there was only one old bull elephant'


            'but the bastard fingered me first.'
            (\__/)
            (>'.'<)
            ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work

            Comment


              My girlfriend uses her periods as an excuse for bad behavior, so I've been keeping track...

              It works out she has a period 23 days a month.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Going to rehab and listening to other people's stories has been a real eye opener.


                Man, I've been missing out on some good tulip I didn't even know about.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Last night my blind date said, "Tell me something about you that will impress me."

                  "I got my penis caught in my zip this morning." I replied.

                  She said, "That's hardly impressive."

                  "Oh right," I said, "Do you prefer men who wear shoes with laces then?"
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Throughout its 28 year history, 'Eastenders' has claimed that its portrayals have been realistic and accurate.

                    So why do we still have White characters?
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      "I've taken your advice," I told my wife. "I'm going to see a hypnotist about my alchoholic addiction."

                      "That's great news!" She said, "When are you seeing him?"

                      "I'm meeting him in The Crown for a few beers later."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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