Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[TestMangler]

A Jewish guy walks up to a girl in a bar and says, "Wow, you are really pretty, can I have your number ?"

She replies, "Aww, thats really sweet, but we use names nowadays".

[WTFH]

A man walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?"

The librarian responds, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not."

[WTFH]

A friend of mine said that if you listen to U2 without the lead guitar it's almost tolerable.

Not sure about that, but it definitely took the Edge off

[NotAllThere]

My daughter said that's she's just been diagnosed with autism.

I asked her if that means she takes things literally.

No, she said, that's kleptomaniacs.

[WTFH]

My brother in law has just got a new dog that he's trained to fetch his wine for him …it’s a Bordeaux collie

[NotAllThere]

To who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my word!

[sadkingbilly]

I'm busy following a recipe and it says "chill in the fridge for an hour."
I've got a book, some snacks and a pint but it's very cramped in here.

[sadkingbilly]

guy's sat in a toilet at a big bike rally and immediately lets out an echoing, rippingly loud fart.
Dry voice from another cubicle says: "Bit more choke and she would have started".

[sadkingbilly]

in the beginning, there was god.
and a void.
and god looked out into the void, and said.................
I know you're out there somewhere you bastard!!!
🙂 🙂 < from a toilet wall, in crouch end, london, circa 1976>

[sadkingbilly]

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub, but somehow it's a 20 minute walk back.
The difference is staggering...

[NotAllThere]

Today's random dad joke.

-What is a ninja's favourite type of footwear?

-Sneakers!

Did you hear the rumour about the butter? No? Well I'm not going to spread it.

[WTFH]

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed the Sea Señor.

[NotAllThere]

Today's random dad joke.

-What is a ninja's favourite type of footwear?

-Sneakers!

[WTFH]

I advertised my Hornby locomotive and attendant coal wagon.

Got a call from Elvis.

Didn’t want the train but he loved me tender.

[WTFH]

Accidentally said “Shirley” instead of “Siri” and now my phone is stuck in Airplane mode.