Please put more jokes here

[mudskipper]

"How many women on PMS does it take to change a lightbulb?"

One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS

...what was the question again?

True though.

[vetran]

Americans:
"it's mom not mum"
"it's color not colour "
"it's football not rugby"
"it's soccer not football"
"it's chips not crisps "

The English:
"it's school not shooting range"

[vetran]

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn't, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

[vetran]

For MS

I like going into McDonald's and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.

[vetran]

Duct tape is silver... Silence is golden.

[vetran]

When I heard they had found a cure for dyslexia, it was music to my arse.

[vetran]

For FLC

Christmas these days is a lot like having sex, the build up is great but when it finally comes, I regret spending all that money.

[vetran]

In light of recent events in Syria concerning the Turks and Russians. I think we should prepare for the inevitable.

A movie about the Americans saving the world.

[vetran]

Hacker group Anonymous have just declared war on ISIS after the Paris attacks...

This is probably the closest ISIS will ever get to 72 virgins.

[vetran]

I can't believe Scientology is trying to get away with calling itself a religion.

You're not a real religion until you're responsible for at least a million deaths.