Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I've just put a deposit down on a Porsche and mentioned it on Twitter.
I can't understand why the Americans are so upset.
All I said was, "I can't wait for the new 911."
However, 4000 Pakistanis are now following me.

[vetran]

Caitlyn Jenner has won "Woman of the year 2015". Proving men are even better at being women than women are.

[vetran]

People used to believe in multiple Gods.

Now they believe in one God.

They're getting closer to the actual number all the time.

[vetran]

How did I get out of Iraq?

Iran.

[vetran]

hmmm

Since there are more Chinese people than any other race on Earth, does that mean they have normal eyes and we have big crazy googly ones?

[vetran]

and for FLC

I walked in the pub with my missus and the barman said, "Punching above your weight there aren't you, pal? Where did you find her?"

"I met her in Thailand," I replied. "We're due to get married next month."

"You don't want to get married," he said. "That's when the blowjobs stop."

"I don't mind that," I replied. "I hate giving her them anyway."

[vetran]

and another for FLC

"What do they call you?" Asked the lady at the bar.

"Turner" I replied.

"What a coincidence" she smiled, "my surname's Turner as well."

"It's not my surname" I explained, "it's because my last 8 ex-girlfriends are lesbians now."

[JozefBlofeld]

Schrödinger's cat walked into a bar......................At the same time Schrödinger's cat didn't walk into a bar.

[northernladuk]

Schrödinger's cat walked into a bar......................At the same time Schrödinger's cat didn't walk into a bar.

Whoaaaa that's deeeeep.

[mudskipper]

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn't, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.