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Please put more jokes here

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    A London lawyer runs a stop sign near Galway and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda.
    He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London , and is certain that he has a better education than any Paddy cop.
    He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense!
    Irish Garda says,' License and registration, please.'
    London Lawyer says, 'What for?'
    Irish Garda replies, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign.'
    London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
    Irish Garda says, 'You still didn't come to a complete stop.
    License And registration, please.'
    London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
    Irish Garda says, 'The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!'
    London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between 'slow down' and 'stop', I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'
    Irish Garda says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'
    The London lawyer exits his vehicle. The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer with it and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?..
    {emotionless greeting}

    Three Word Slogan

    Comment


      The girl who works at the corner shop married the guy from the mini mart.

      It's a marriage of convenience.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        The Vicar from the local church has gone missing.



        We've had to get in touch with missing parsons.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          An ambulance passed me one day and a box feel off the back. I picked it up and it had someone's toe in it. I called the hospital and told them what I found. They confirmed that the ambulance had arrived at the hospital and were looking for the box.

          I asked if they were going to send another ambulance out to get it.


          They said no, but they will send a toe truck.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            The wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with mucus.

            "It's so childish!" she screamed.

            "No, it snot", I replied.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              The Beatles once sang “Love is all you need.”

              I can tell you from experience this is not true.

              If you own a budgie - they also require food and water.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I was pretty nervous before delivering my talk to the UK Naturist Society, but I imagined the entire audience fully clothed and it went OK.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  For warty

                  A genie gave me one wish.

                  So I asked for a woman with long legs, brown hair and really horny.

                  I'm now dating a moose.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Went to Chinese market today to buy some meat.

                    It was terribly tough.

                    That's the last time I shop at Sin Yu Meat Company.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Now that we're out of lockdown, can anyone tell me when the next Agoraphobics Anonymous meeting is on at the village hall please?

                      I'm thinking of not going.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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