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Please put more jokes here

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    I can't blame Messi...I'd be crying if Barcelona stopped paying me a million a week too!
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      The local music shop was bugled last night. They took all the brass instruments.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        For perfect burgers every time cook them on a George Formby.




        They've turned out nice again
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Grandad didn't mind if people came round while he was working


          Lovely man, tulip anaesthetist
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            10 mins after drinking an energy drink I started mincing and angrily shouting abuse at strangers.


            I should really lay off the Gaytirade
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              How did the hacker evade the police?

              He just ransomware!
              Doing a stroll around Windsor on 11 Sept 2 Oct for Alzheimer's Society. You can chuck me a few quid here if you like: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/lmallen-1

              Comment


                My wife's weird, last week she said she wouldn't mind if I had a tattoo, today she's complaining about all the bagpipers in the garden.
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  So let me get this straight. Prince Andrew is being prosecuted in the United States for having underage sex with a 17-year-old girl........in Ghislain Maxwells House.........In Belgravia, London, because if it was prosecuted in the UK, she is legally allowed to have sex, so no case to answer.

                  Does this also explain why they wanted to prosecute Anne Sacoolas in the UK, because in the US driving on the wrong side of the road and killing a motorcyclist is perfectly legal.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    What's the difference between a torpedo and a priest? The "tor" bit
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Did you hear about the millipede who had sex last night?

                      He got his leg over, leg over, leg over, leg over, leg over......
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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