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Please put more jokes here

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    How many prostitutes does it take to paint a house?
    Asking as the prices quoted by painters in my area are getting ridiculous.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      I was halfway through telling the group about how much Johnson's baby powder I use when the guy at the front interrupted me.
      "Sorry mate, but I think you're in the wrong room," he said. "Talcoholics anonymous is next door."
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I told my wife there's nothing to beat three in a bed.

        You really need to do something about your obsession with darts, she replied.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          Why should you never wear Ukrainian boxer shorts?

          Because Chernobyl fallout
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            I've been pinged five times today. I hate this new microwave oven.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              I once did a gig a long time ago where i admittedly had misrepresented my abilities and the kids at this party were very disappointed by the balloon animals I was making.

              "Let me guess, this one will be a worm or a snake too," groaned this one snot nosed little prick.

              "Absolutely not."

              "Than what is this then ?"

              "An Eel."
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                Originally posted by BR14 View Post
                you really are about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.
                Luckily so many people upvote me so much I know what they like.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Originally posted by BR14 View Post
                  you really are about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.
                  It's true. But you are not.
                  Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

                  Comment


                    There's a sign in my local park that reads, 'Please do not cycle on the grass. You may injure a young child or elderly person.'

                    I'm pissed about the cycling, but at least they've provided an alternative activity.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      Royal Family has 'very real fears' that Harry's '£18m' four-book deal could destabilize the discount bins in WH Smith.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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