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Please put more jokes here

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    In a library:

    "I'm looking for a book on sexual innuendo."

    "It'll be in soon."

    "Yes, that's the one."
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      My wife said to me "Would you like anal sex with a hooker"

      I could not believe what I was hearing, "Of course I would" I replied.

      My arse still hurts, that's the last time a rugby player ever gets in my house.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I once went out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.

        What a totally unpronounceable surname that was.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          If Liam Neeson played Aquaman

          "I've got a particular set of gills"
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Congratulations to Boris Johnson

            Who has just finished opening his Fathers Day cards.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              Scotland are tulipe, still, at least Billy Gilmour got a positive result.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                I hear my five-year-old daughter say to her grandmother, "Granny, can you do a frog impression?"
                Her grandmother asked, "What? Why, sweetheart?"
                "Because Daddy says we'll get a fortune when you croak."
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  So some transphobic people are making a fuss that a New Zealand female weightlifter actually used to compete as a man.

                  Look, you have to accept that Down Under some female weightlifters are different.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    When my wife came back from work, I blindfolded her, led her upstairs, and span her around a few times. We stopped and she opened her eyes.

                    That gave my girlfriend enough time to get dressed and sneak out through the back door.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      We went to Spain on holiday a couple of years ago, we stayed in a small hotel near the coast and had a great time until the third day when I ate a dodgy tapas. On returning to the hotel room I started to feel very unwell and eventually I phoned reception to see if they could get me to hospital.
                      Two minutes later, there was a knock on the door and in walked a doctor, I was surprised, “That was quick” I said (in Spanish) “how did you get here so fast ?”
                      “I’m the hotel doctor” he replied, also in Spanish.
                      I told him I didn’t think hotels had doctors on their staff.
                      He smiled then said, in English, “Nobody expects the Spanish In Physician”
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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