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Please put more jokes here

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    And today's celebrity quiz:

    I did 'two little boys' in the 70's

    And two little girls in the 80's.

    Who am I?
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      "'Great white shark' doesn't have a hyphen." my teacher told me, handing back my homework.

      "Yes it does." I argued. "You can see it sticking out the water."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I was out having dinner with my new girlfriend when the bill arrived "Do you want to go doggy?" I asked.

        She replied laughing "Don't you mean Dutch?"

        "No," I said "I mean if you go doggy you don't need to go Dutch"
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I was in the pub, and the barmaid asked me what job I had.

          I said "I'm my wife's sexual advisor."

          Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"

          "Very simple." I replied "The wife has told me that when she wants my F*****G advice, she'll ask me for it."
          Last edited by vetran; 7 September 2013, 11:41.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I was rescued from the top of a mountain after managing to make a call to the emergency services on my mobile phone.

            I got quite a bill that month. They charged it on a peak tariff.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I decided to take some Salsa lessons and surprise the missus.

              But they sent me home after I showed up with a bag of tortilla chips.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I think I surpassed Jesus's water into wine miracle last night.

                I turned a small blue pill into 8 inches of wood.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Cheryl Cole may have got 2 roses on her arse, but that's nothing, my girlfriend's got about 1,000 Quality Street on hers.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I just won my first argument with the missus.

                    and now I get to sleep on the couch for it.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      one of our posters?

                      "There's a special place in hell for you, you self-centered, pretentious bastard!" shouted my ex.

                      "I really hope so," I thought to myself, "I sure as **** wouldn't want to be around the rest of those common, everyday peasants."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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