• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Collapse

You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:

  • You are not logged in. If you are already registered, fill in the form below to log in, or follow the "Sign Up" link to register a new account.
  • You may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
  • If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.

Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

Collapse

  • sadkingbilly
    replied
    My mate always turns his head slightly away from the printer when he's using it
    Apparently he can only see it in his peripheral vision.

    Leave a comment:


  • sadkingbilly
    replied
    I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....
    My boss asked “what companies? “
    Gas, water and electricity

    Leave a comment:


  • sadkingbilly
    replied
    thinking of Vetty:

    Some people are like slinkys, totally pointless but the thought of pushing them down a flight of stairs never fails to put a smile on your face.
    Last edited by sadkingbilly; 8 June 2024, 09:26.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Although the 20mph speed limit was only introduced last year by Mark Drakeford, 2 per cent of potential visitors were put off by it.
    The other 98% are put off by the Welsh.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I went to meet this bird i had found on Tinder. As I approached her house, she open the door in her negligée.

    'That's a funny place to have a door!' I thought.

    Leave a comment:


  • xoggoth
    replied
    One of the few jokes on Quora I found funny (being a rude old git)

    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
    One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'
    Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'
    The last one said,
    'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
    Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Would you like me to spell condescending for you?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Would you like me to spell condescending for you?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I heard aliens are gender neutral. They/them are out there.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    When I was younger,my body was a temple..... Now it's a flaming bouncy castle.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Click image for larger version

Name:	66332d3caeab0_1tgfa9a5xur41__censored__700.jpg
Views:	84
Size:	150.0 KB
ID:	4289178

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    You know who really makes me cross?


    The lollipop lady.

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    American reboot of the Thomas the Tank Engine series has modern animation.

    Thomas is black, gay, 40 stone and carries an assault rifle.
    And prefers to be called Esmerelda.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Apparently St. George was made a saint for having the courage to stand up to a big scary dragon.

    Fair play to the fella, I tried that once and had to spend the next 6 months in the spare room.

    Leave a comment:


  • Paddy
    replied
    Twelve years ago, my friend Chris came running out his room with emotional tears shouting "it's a boy, it's a boy!" He went on to say that he will never return to Thailand.

    Leave a comment:

Working...
X