• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    A new TV program to be filmed about removing asylum seekers from the UK.

    The Great British F*** Off starts next week.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      I've just received a call from a mate who's fallen into a hole in the local cemetery and can't get out.

      Sounds like he's in grave danger.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        The Islamic State in Iraq and Syria.
        Remember... you can't spell crisis without ISIS.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          How do you turn a teenager into a duck?

          Point a camera at her.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            for the grammar Nazis

            Grammar Girl's guide to guys:

            Con: They're dicks
            Pro: Their dicks
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              for the grammar Nazis

              "Today is a great day for battle! I expected to see a lot less of you"

              "FEWER!"

              - 1381, The Pedants' revolt.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                Fat shaming cards. If only they had sugar-coated the message.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I sat on the bed on my wedding night, full of anticipation.

                  I could hear my new wife on the phone in the bathroom.

                  "I don't know if I should spit or swallow." I heard her say to her mate.

                  Funking turns out they were booked in for wine tasting next week.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    After the game Jurgen Klopp pulled his new goalkeeper to one side.

                    "You seemed asleep for that goal they scored straight from the kick-off!"

                    "Sorry boss, but I've played against Liverpool and I thought we always had a minute's silence for something or other."
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      Over the years I've learnt it's best to start agreeing with the old cow..

                      So we can both be ******* wrong.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X