• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    "Hey! You! Get off my cloud!"

    "Piss off Charlie, I was here first" - Brian Jones
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
      A literalist takes things literally.
      A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Panto

        Why does a stork stand with one leg off the ground?

        Because if it tried standing with both legs off the ground, it would fall over.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          My grandad owned a car dealership, but because of his experiences in the war he always refused to stock German cars.

          He'll go down in history as the man who rejected the Beetle's.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            I was fired from my last job after I took three months off due to a slipped disc.

            The manager of the club said I wasn't really cut out to be a DJ.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              Originally posted by vetran View Post
              I've suddenly started coughing and sneezing. My sense of smell and taste is ok, but I can't feel my cock.

              I think it's Dong Covid.
              Nah, your arms have fallen off.
              Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

              Comment


                Kenny Rogers amphibious pet just escaped from the swimming pool.



                You picked a fine time to leave me loose seal.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  For aTwit...

                  I was in a car crash earlier I ended up crashing into a wall.


                  You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    Pen Farthing, the vet fears the Taliban will now allow him to leave Afghanistan with his hundred or so animals.


                    You can't really blame the Taliban for keeping someone who wanted to leave and take their brothel with them can you?
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      I have CDO.

                      It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X