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Please put more jokes here

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    Coronavirus has strained many marriages but I’m blessed to be with a loving wife. Just the other morning when I woke up she was holding a pillow over my face to protect me from Covid 19.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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      Just had the following conversation with my wife.


      Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown.
      Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Just broken up with my girlfriend due to religious differences… She failed to worship me.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          Things that can drive my wife crazy during lockdown:


          -Not saying sorry
          -Saying sorry and not meaning it
          -Saying sorry
          -Not saying anything
          -Saying anything
          -Breathing!!
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Grab your taco, you’ve pulled a dyslexic Mexican.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              Discovered yesterday I have liftophobia, fear of lifts. I’m taking steps to avoid them.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                Originally posted by vetran View Post
                Discovered yesterday I have liftophobia, fear of lifts. I’m taking steps to avoid them.
                I tried to see if there was a "proper" name for this. Elevatorphobia is not a suitable alternative, in my eyes. I'm sure someone with a passing knowing of ancient Greek could help out.

                Comment


                  Originally posted by vetran View Post
                  Fat lives matter as well you know. Please open the Goddamn buffet!

                  Originally posted by ladymuck View Post
                  I tried to see if there was a "proper" name for this. Elevatorphobia is not a suitable alternative, in my eyes. I'm sure someone with a passing knowing of ancient Greek could help out.
                  You could have a combination of cleithrophobia - fear of being trapped, claustrophobia - fear of enclosed spaces, and basophobia - fear of falling. So; Cleithroclaustrobasophobia.

                  Or perhaps
                  ardynophobia- fear of being lifted high.
                  esasirophobia - fear of being lifted off the earth
                  Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

                  Comment


                    If it weren't for the Arabs, we would never have 9/11


                    Instead it would be IX / XI
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      Boris Johnson's new rules on gatherings has had little affect on the good folk of Norfolk


                      If three men want to bring their wives, mother and a sister each to a party, that's still only six people
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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