Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Coronavirus has strained many marriages but I’m blessed to be with a loving wife. Just the other morning when I woke up she was holding a pillow over my face to protect me from Covid 19.

[vetran]

Just had the following conversation with my wife.


Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown.
Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one.

[vetran]

Just broken up with my girlfriend due to religious differences… She failed to worship me.

[vetran]

Things that can drive my wife crazy during lockdown:


-Not saying sorry
-Saying sorry and not meaning it
-Saying sorry
-Not saying anything
-Saying anything
-Breathing!!

[vetran]

Grab your taco, you’ve pulled a dyslexic Mexican.

[vetran]

Discovered yesterday I have liftophobia, fear of lifts. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

[ladymuck]

Discovered yesterday I have liftophobia, fear of lifts. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I tried to see if there was a "proper" name for this. Elevatorphobia is not a suitable alternative, in my eyes. I'm sure someone with a passing knowing of ancient Greek could help out.

[NotAllThere]

Fat lives matter as well you know. Please open the Goddamn buffet!

I tried to see if there was a "proper" name for this. Elevatorphobia is not a suitable alternative, in my eyes. I'm sure someone with a passing knowing of ancient Greek could help out.

You could have a combination of cleithrophobia - fear of being trapped, claustrophobia - fear of enclosed spaces, and basophobia - fear of falling. So; Cleithroclaustrobasophobia.

Or perhaps
ardynophobia- fear of being lifted high.
esasirophobia - fear of being lifted off the earth

[vetran]

If it weren't for the Arabs, we would never have 9/11


Instead it would be IX / XI

[vetran]

Boris Johnson's new rules on gatherings has had little affect on the good folk of Norfolk


If three men want to bring their wives, mother and a sister each to a party, that's still only six people