• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    My girlfriend asked me to start treating her like the women from the classic black and white movies.

    So I left her tied to the train tracks.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      "Honey," said the wife, "I've just checked your browser history and seen that you go on porn sites. That has to stop!"

      "Ah, shut up," I said, "you sound like my ex-wife."

      "What? I didn't know you'd already been married. I thought I was your first wife."

      "You are."
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I used to spend all day doing nothing but running through fields and meadows.

        Finally, I was forced to admit that I had a gamboling problem
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          What's the difference between George Best and Princess Diana's chauffeur?

          Best could take corners when he was pissed.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Cheer up Hillary Clinton.

            Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president , until after serving 27 years in prison .
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              I ate some Korean meatballs last night .

              They were the dogs bollocks.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                What's the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana?

                At midnight Cinderella's car didn't turn into a wall.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Originally posted by vetran View Post
                  What's the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana?

                  At midnight Cinderella's car didn't turn into a wall.
                  How 90s!
                  Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
                  I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

                  I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

                  Comment


                    Words can't describe your beauty, but numbers can

                    3/10
                    Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
                    I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

                    I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by SimonMac View Post
                      Words can't describe your beauty, but numbers can

                      3/10
                      You've got a higher opinion than I had on 14/04/16, I only gave her 2/10
                      …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X