Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

My boss rang me today and asked. "Why aren't you at the office?"

I said, "I'm sick."

He sighed. "Really? What of this time?"

I said, "Of you ******* nagging me."

[vetran]

A portrayal of The Prophet Mohammad, in a Grammar School, has caused quite a stir...

I too would be upset if the likeness of a paedophile was drawn and shown to children...

Imagine ‘Paint a portrait of Jimmy Savile competition’.

Or ‘Colour by numbers Gary Glitter’.

Feel free...

[vetran]

If you get an email or a Whatsapp with the subject "ding dong" don't open it.

It's the Jehovah's Witnesses working from home.

[vetran]

I failed my latest job interview after proudly announcing I'd just taken part in my first mixed-race threesome.


I wasn't sure what I'd done wrong until my mate explained the proper term is Triathlon.

[vetran]

BBC News "EU President says that the UK has not exported any doses of Covid-19 Vaccine to Europe".


Astra Zeneca say it has loaded 25 million doses onto trucks but unfortunately the drivers had ham sandwiches in the cabs.

[vetran]

My wife thought it would be all sexy if I "role played" as a military officer in the bedroom.

Sure enough I get all decked out even with medals and everything, and the she goes right off it and won't even call me by my proper rank of SS Hauptsturmfuhrer Davies !

[vetran]

My mate just crashed and rolled his brand new Nissan all-electric car.

He took it literally when I suggested he should turn over a new leaf.

[vetran]

"Why the **** have we employed him?", said Prince Harry's new employer to a colleague on his first day.

"You said that you wanted some ginger nuts for the coffee room".

[NotAllThere]

BBC News "EU President says that the UK has not exported any doses of Covid-19 Vaccine to Europe".


Astra Zeneca say it has loaded 25 million doses onto trucks but unfortunately the drivers had ham sandwiches in the cabs.

That's just anti vegetarian propaganda. Some of them had cheese sandwiches.

[vetran]

My wife just left me. She said she was sick and tired of my football obsession and how everything I think or do revolves around football.

Shame really, we have only been married for two seasons.