Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

I identify as anti-perspirant

...and before you ask, yes, I'm Sure.

[vetran]

My Winter Fat is gone.


Now I have Spring Rolls.

[WTFH]

Do you know what really floats my boat?



A high tide

[WTFH]

There is a lot of controversy about sex education in schools at the moment but I can remember how bad our sex ed was.

I remember the teacher coming in one day and told us that we were going to learn how to use a condom.

A banana was then brought out as the the teacher said he couldn't get a hard-on on an empty stomach.

[vetran]

We buy any Car are total rubbish. I took Jimmy and Alan to my local branch but they wouldn't buy them.

[vetran]

What's the difference between Prince Harry and Scotland? Prince Harry was given permission to leave the UK...

[vetran]

I'm not saying I've had a hard day, but I feel as knackered as Carol Vorderman's bedsprings..

[vetran]

...and then he kicked my sandcastle over at the beach and said "That's because you'll never have one!"

--Prince Harry.

[vetran]

I've just bumped into a mate who I hav'nt seen for a while, he says he's gonna divorce the wife because she has'nt spoken to him for 3 months, I told him not to be so hasty and think things thru - women like that are hard to find !

[vetran]

Milf egghead Carol Vorderman loves maths so much that she & her quintet of male lovers always share oral sex daily at quarter to four.

Why?

Because 69 x 5 = 345

[vetran]

So, I understand that you have an issue with your genitals?? asked my doctor.

Yes, I replied, My left one is bigger than my right one.?

?That?s perfectly normal,? he laughed, ?This is common in most men!?

?That?s a relief,? I said, ?And there was me thinking that nobody else had two cocks.?

[vetran]

I've just bought a few copies of Prince Harry's new book.

Just in case we go back into lockdown and the bastards start buying up all the toilet roll again

[vetran]

I had a car crash last night. As I woke up the doctors tried to tell me I was a Swedish guy and that I had lost my memory.

But I wasnt having it, I told them I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.

[WTFH]

Just got arrested for shoplifting at Waterstones. Not my fault. I asked if they had any spare books and they said yes. (Tim Vine)

[vetran]

If a blackbird has black babies.
And a bluebird has blue babies.
Which bird has no babies?


A swallow...