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Please put more jokes here

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    My wife lost our baby last night.

    Her addiction to poker is getting way out of hand.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Some idiot vegan gave me a line of coke then started lecturing me on how animals shouldn't have to be murdered in order to fulfill selfish humans' appetites.

      I said "a bit like how South American kids get murdered every day to bring you this coke"

      Never seen a vegan shut up so quick
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I pay no attention to senior army officers.

        Generally speaking.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          China's economy is the world's first to recover from the blows of the pandemic.

          They must be in the Ker Ching Dynasty.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            "Dad, how did you and mum pick my name?"
            "Well love, often parents name a child after the place it was conceived, like Paris, Chelsea etc."
            "That makes sense Dad, so I'm named after the Italian Ski Resort of Cortina?"
            "Eh, yeah, yeah that's it, the Ski Resort."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              How many Freudians does it take to change a light boob?
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

              Comment


                Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present.

                Cop: You ARE the lawyer.

                Me: So where’s my present?
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  What’s the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?

                  A Scotsman wears a kilt and Walt Disney.
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

                  Comment


                    Astronaut 1: Hey I can't find any milk for my coffee.

                    Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
                    {emotionless greeting}

                    Three Word Slogan

                    Comment


                      Sophie Ellis Bextor found dead in Spain at former French footballers home.
                      It was murder on Zidane's floor.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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