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    I've started writing crossword puzzles for a national newspaper. The money is not great but It's allowed me to buy a little two up two down house.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      Went back home to Bradford today for the first time in over twenty years, brought back so many memories.


      Mainly, of why I ******* left.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        My life in London was a lot like being Hugh Hefner.

        I was surrounded by c**ts.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          I went to see a psychiatrist about my inability to please women.

          "I watch all these porno films and the best I can ever last is twenty minutes," I said.

          "Twenty minutes, eh? " he replied. "Well, here's the first thing we should do: let's swap seats."
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            If you are ever feeling powerless, just remember... a single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
            …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

            Comment


              1. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.



              2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.



              3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.



              4. I, for one, like Roman numerals.



              5. I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.



              6. People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.



              7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

              8. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.



              9. My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.



              10. I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.



              11. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."



              12. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.



              13. My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying.
              It seemed very important to him that I have it.



              14. I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.

              15. I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."



              16. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.



              17. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.



              18. People say I'm condescending. That means i talk down to people.



              19. You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon.



              20. Whiteboards are remarkable.



              21. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
              Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
              I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

              I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

              Comment


                Why isn't it legal for a man to marry a second woman?
                Because the law doesn't allow a man to be punished twice for the same offence!
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  your momma so fat a picture of her fell off the wall!
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by vetran View Post
                    Why isn't it legal for a man to marry a second woman?
                    Because the law doesn't allow a man to be punished twice for the same offence!
                    What's the punishment for bigamy?

                    Two mother-in-laws
                    Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
                    I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

                    I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

                    Comment


                      What kind of cheese do you use to hide a horse?


                      Mascepone
                      Best Forum Advisor 2014
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