Please put more jokes here

[shaunbhoy]

Son : "Dad, I've got a part in the School Play. I play a man that has been married 25 years"

Dad : "Never mind Son, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!"

[WTFH]

Worried about the beeb losing GBBO?
It's fine. Nothing will actually happen until Mary Berry triggers Arctic Roll 50.

[WTFH]

My wife and I have different ways to deal with a wasp in the house.




I gently waft it out an open window.


She leaves me and moves in with a new man.

[LondonManc]

Two kids are in a hospital ward, waiting for operations.
The first kid asks, "What are you in here for?" Second kid says, "getting my tonsils out. I'm a little nervous." 1st kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you jelly & ice cream. It's a breeze."
2nd kid asks, "What are you here for?" 1st kid says, "circumcision."
"Whoa!", the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck with that. I had that done when I was born, couldn't walk for a year!!!"

[WTFH]

Benched contractors, give your alcoholism a sophisticated Belgian feel by drinking Special Brew from a wine glass.

[DaveB]

Worried about the beeb losing GBBO?
It's fine. Nothing will actually happen until Mary Berry triggers Arctic Roll 50.

And all C4 will end up with is a tent and some flour.

[LondonManc]

Today's acronym is DNA. It stands for National Dyslexic Association.

[northernladuk]

Today's acronym is DNA. It stands for National Dyslexic Association.

Is that really the best you can do?? :

[northernladuk]

Bob and his dyslexic friend John are on a skiing holiday and are sitting in a restaurant watching the people skiing.

Bob turns to John and says 'Look at all the people zig zagging down the hill'
John says 'They aren't zig zagging, they are zag zigging,
Bob says 'No it's not. They are zig zagging'

This argument goes on for sometime and in frustration Bob turns to a guy behind him and says,
'Excuse me, could you help resolve an argument for us. Are they zig zagging or zag zigging'
The bloke looks a bit bewildered and says 'I don't know, I'm a tobogganist.
Johns eyes light up and says 'Ohhh great, could I have 20 Malboro lights please'.


Boooooom. Smashed it. THAT's how you do it. Thank you.

[LondonManc]

Is that really the best you can do?? :

Absolutely not. It's the most you deserve though.