Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

My mate just quit his job at BMW.


Of course he gave no indication he was leaving.

[WTFH]

I went to the doctor for a prostate exam recently.
While there, I could feel a certain stirring which made a question arise that I I asked the doctor:
”Is it normal to get an erection during this”
I was disappointed with his response of “yes, it’s quite common”
I was hoping for “I’m sorry, sir”

[vetran]

I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday...

They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the bum crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub...

Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

[vetran]

My five year old daughter asked me what a 'working girl' is.

"Erm, it's someone who grows up to be a working woman".

"Oh' what's a working woman?".

"blimey, you're going to end up in Number 10".

[WTFH]

This year I’m doing No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-No-November - where for the month of November I only listen to 2-Unlimited

[vetran]

death by OVERheating? - really?
waw

sorry missed that.

[sadkingbilly]

What are the government giving the elderly this winter????


Hyperthermia

Oddly enough yes from their own calculations.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-b2609340.html

death by OVERheating? - really?
waw

[vetran]

Churchill: We shall fight them on the beaches!.

Thatcher: The lady's not for turning!.

Starmer: It was an honest mistake that I forgot to declare that a fat, gay Bengali millionaire pays for my wife's drawers!.

[vetran]

really?

Oddly enough yes from their own calculations.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-b2609340.html

Cut to winter fuel payment could kill 4,000 people, Labour’s own research suggests


Analysis published by Labour in 2017 said plans to means test winter fuel payments would be the ‘single biggest attack on pensioners in a generation’

[vetran]

I discovered a tiny space in a Scotsmans loft, where he was keeping whisky miniatures, I thought this is a little dram-attic.

[sadkingbilly]

What are the government giving the elderly this winter????


Hyperthermia

really?

[vetran]

What are the government giving the elderly this winter????


Hyperthermia

[vetran]

Trump claims immigrants are eating cats and dogs.

That's nothing, just wait until winter in the UK, pensioners will be eating Tiddles and Rex as well.

[vetran]

I took my clarinet back to the music shop, "I don't know what it is, " I said, "I can only seem to be able to play one tune on it, Perfect Day, nothing else seems right or in tune. " "Let's have a look, " said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet, "ha, there's the problem, looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed. "

[vetran]

classic song