Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

My five year old daughter asked me what a 'working girl' is.

"Erm, it's someone who grows up to be a working woman".

"Oh' what's a working woman?".

"blimey, you're going to end up in Number 10".

[vetran]

I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday...

They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the bum crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub...

Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

[WTFH]

I went to the doctor for a prostate exam recently.
While there, I could feel a certain stirring which made a question arise that I I asked the doctor:
”Is it normal to get an erection during this”
I was disappointed with his response of “yes, it’s quite common”
I was hoping for “I’m sorry, sir”

[WTFH]

My mate just quit his job at BMW.


Of course he gave no indication he was leaving.

[vetran]

What's got four rings at both ends of the bellend ?


An Audi

[vetran]

Bono promised to drive his car off a cliff if Trump won the presidency.

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

[DoctorStrangelove]

Stole this one:

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching you.”

He looked around and saw nothing.

He kept on creeping and again heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside.

The burglar asked the parrot, “Was it you who said Jesus is watching me”

The parrot replied, “Yes.”

Relieved, the burglar asked, “What is your name?”

The parrot said, “Clarence.”

The burglar said, “That’s a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?”

The parrot answered, “The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesus.”

.

[vetran]

The Archbishop of Canterbury has resigned because his position has become under tenable

[vetran]

I lost my job as a dodgems operator for no good reason.

It's ok though. I successfully sued the owner for funfair dismissal.