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Please put more jokes here

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    I told my dad I couldn't believe I'd failed my biology exam.


    He said , I'm your mum.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      I have to be honest, wearing a facemask in public seems pointless to me and a complete waste of time.
      But judging by some of the single mums on my housing estate , not seeing them completely seems like a blessing in disguise.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I'm so glad I'm not wealthy with a wife half my age, not knowing if she's with me just for my money.

        At least being poor I know my wife hates me for who I am.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          For aTw.

          A simple philosophical message for these difficult times with the enduring Coronavirus crisis.
          Everything in the universe is either a squirrel or not a squirrel. There, don’t you feel just a little bit better ?
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Due to political correctness, poor old Dick Van Dyke has had to change his name to 'Penis Lorry Lesbian!'
            Unbelievable!
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              As I sat down to dinner with my wife I said, "Have I ever told you what a fantastic cook you are?"

              "No," she smiled.

              "There's a good reason for that," I replied.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                and for balance...


                As I sat down to dinner with my wife she said, "Have I ever told you what a fantastic lover you are?"

                "No," I smiled.

                "There's a good reason for that," she replied.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I told my mate that I got kicked in the bollocks in a park in Chiswick the other day.

                  “Turnham Green?” he asked

                  “No” I replied, “they’ve gone purple”
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    I keep hearing strange clucking noises in the middle of the night.

                    I think we may have a poultrygeist

                    Comment


                      I'll never forget the time I had to do PE at school in my underpants because I'd left my kit at home.

                      It nearly ended my teaching career

                      Comment

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