Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I told my dad I couldn't believe I'd failed my biology exam.


He said , I'm your mum.

[vetran]

I have to be honest, wearing a facemask in public seems pointless to me and a complete waste of time.
But judging by some of the single mums on my housing estate , not seeing them completely seems like a blessing in disguise.

[vetran]

I'm so glad I'm not wealthy with a wife half my age, not knowing if she's with me just for my money.

At least being poor I know my wife hates me for who I am.

[vetran]

For aTw.

A simple philosophical message for these difficult times with the enduring Coronavirus crisis.
Everything in the universe is either a squirrel or not a squirrel. There, don’t you feel just a little bit better ?

[vetran]

Due to political correctness, poor old Dick Van Dyke has had to change his name to 'Penis Lorry Lesbian!'
Unbelievable!

[vetran]

As I sat down to dinner with my wife I said, "Have I ever told you what a fantastic cook you are?"

"No," she smiled.

"There's a good reason for that," I replied.

[vetran]

and for balance...


As I sat down to dinner with my wife she said, "Have I ever told you what a fantastic lover you are?"

"No," I smiled.

"There's a good reason for that," she replied.

[vetran]

I told my mate that I got kicked in the bollocks in a park in Chiswick the other day.

“Turnham Green?” he asked

“No” I replied, “they’ve gone purple”

[HoofHearted]

I keep hearing strange clucking noises in the middle of the night.

I think we may have a poultrygeist

[HoofHearted]

I'll never forget the time I had to do PE at school in my underpants because I'd left my kit at home.

It nearly ended my teaching career