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Please put more jokes here

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    I’ll tell you about the most disgusting thing that ever happened to me.


    I was at festival once, beautiful hot day and I was keen to get pissed, but I was skint. So I was sneaking the odd drink from people here and there, when I spotted a pint glass, almost full with a golden yellow liquid. I excitedly assumed it was someone’s beer, so I went for it. Picked it up and it felt a bit warm but I just thought it’d been out in the sun. So I necked it.


    Honestly, it was the most vile thing I’ve ever tasted! You’ve probably guessed what it was already...


    Fosters.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      My mate Dai just got divorced.
      The lady Judge tried to be as impartial as possible by giving them equal shares,
      for example when she divided their flat Dai got the outside.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        A man called Kevin is selling his python on ebay


        So some bloke rang him up and said “is it massive”
        Kevin replies “huge”
        Then the bloke says “how many feet?”
        Kevin says “none its a snake you twit”
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          He might be right!

          With 22 days to go until the election, Kanye West has begun his Presidential campaign.


          I like the slogan he's chosen to go with.


          Kanye: Not As Mental As The Other Two.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            I told my son, "Have you heard that they're shutting down all food resources in schools, so that children can't eat?"


            "Canteens?" he asked.


            "No, it doesn't matter what age," I replied.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              One for SAS

              I found an amazing book yesterday, it was so great that I stayed up until 3am...


              Colouring it
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                I did wonder

                Why are people wearing facemasks in the car when they're alone?


                So they're not tempted to lick the windows
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Idea for Cojak

                  The first million people that send me $1 will get a copy of my book on how to become a millionaire on Facebook.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    Why is Diane Abbot so bad at counting ?


                    She's against extra addition.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      Thought i would start up a fast track cocaine delivery service: Instagram
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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