• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Money Can't Buy Me Love: no, but it can buy me a tulipload of memorable dirty ****s.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      I'm homophobic.

      I fear to return home after being late from the pub.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I was in a pizzeria when I asked for some of that green leaf to be put on my pizza.

        "Sorry I don't understand", he replied.

        It's not ******* rocket science.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          I've been using my blow up doll too much lately so I had to put an end to it.

          I let her down gently.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Wife: 'I've eaten so much salad on this diet I'm beginning to look like a rabbit'.

            Husband: 'It's a pity you didn't f*** like one'.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              In China It's a big no no to let your cat on the kitchen table.

              They have very strict observance of keeping uncooked and cooked meat separate.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                The London Underground announcement said "The next station is Oval".

                It looked the same shape as any other station to me.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I went to see a counsellor about my persistent joyriding.

                  "Why don't you take a seat?" she said.

                  "They're tulip cars. I prefer BMWs or Mercs."
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    I am a member of the arrogant celibacy society.

                    We really don't give a f**k.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      I never used to to like facial hair

                      but recently its really started to grow on me
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X