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Please put more jokes here

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    During the Covid crisis, Ryanair have announced a surcharge for people not travelling on their planes,
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I’ve been swapping labels around on the wife’s spice jars. She may not know anything about it yet but, mark my words — the thyme is cumin.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Aged 10) blow and make a wish = birthday cake
        Aged 40) blow and make a wish = Breathalyzer
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          A QAnon loyalist dies and goes to heaven. Jesus greets him.

          Jesus: Welcome to Heaven! All the knowledge in the universe is now available to you. Before a tour, can I answer any questions?
          QAnon: Yes! Who really won the 2020 election between Donald Trump and Joe Biden?
          Jesus: Biden won by millions of votes.
          QAnon: Wow, the deep state conspiracy is higher up than I'd ever dreamed...
          Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

          Comment


            Only 47% of Americans have said they will take a Covid vaccine when it becomes available. Although the Government are sure they will get the figure to near 100% when given with a free Big Mac meal.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Coins from the Tudor era depicting three of Henry VIII's wives have been dug up in a garden in the New Forest region.


              Heads you lose...
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Sitting there at Dave Prowse funeral looking at him resting peacefully in his coffin.
                I thought to myself “I could make a lot of money here. As I’m sure there are a lot of Star Wars collectors out there that would pay eye watering amounts of cash for an original Darth Vader still in his box”
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Wife: “I fancy going somewhere really hot when this Covid thing is over”


                  Me: Google search - local crematorium
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Just had the Covid-19 vaccine from Pfizer.
                    Can someone tell me how long this hard-on is supposed to last.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Victorinox have bought out new range of Swiss Army knives specifically for the London market.They're called the Swissis range. No scissors, files or things like that.Just a range of machetes with shiny red handles.They're also rumoured to be bringing out a Bradford range. Still machetes, but with a number of essential tools to maintain camels, goats and chickens.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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