• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    I've just had a sneak preview of one of the forthcoming episodes of Doctor Who where the doctor has to save the human race from a gender confused Dalek who doesn't want to exterminate humans. Instead it wants to go shopping for handbags and shoes and have it's weapon replaced with a nice little glove box to store makeup in. The BBC say it's the best episode ever and want to show everyone that anything can be anything they choose.

    The majority of the BBC of course, choose to be paedophiles.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      Just before I have sex, I always get dizzy.

      I probably should get a pump for this blow up doll.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I've just purchased four suits for £1.

        I bought a deck of cards.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          Me and the missus went to a Tudor themed fancy dress, wearing black balaclavas, deeley boppers and black and yellow scarves.

          As Henry the 8th's two wives that were "Bee headed".
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Why do mice have such small balls?

            Because very few of them know how to dance.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              Eddie redmayne apologises for playing the role of a trans gender person in a film as the trans community feels that the role should've been filled out by someone who was actually trans.

              I wonder if serial killers feel the same way when watching horrors.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                Prince Andrews diary has just been made public.

                His last entry was thirteen years old.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Thank god. I’ve finally reached the age, where I can pretend to be hard of hearing with my wife...
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    A Cowboy walks into a German car dealership and says:
                    “Audi”
                    …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

                    Comment


                      I was trekking through the lake district, so far out that when I looked around there was no one to be seen when I stumbled across a load of TV controllers just scattered around everywhere.

                      It was a remote area.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X