• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    One for Nigel Farage

    I don't understand my wife










    She speaks German
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      I saw a job being advertised for condom testers .
      So I applied and they showed me what the job involves , 69, bj, from behind every position you can think of.
      I thought yes with a smile on my face .
      So first day I got a female who would just wank me of .
      By Thursday there was still no sex just being wanked of.
      So I said excuse me Iove you don't mind me asking but aren't we suppose to be having sex in different positions.
      She replied yes but I'm new as well and we to do a week in hand
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I was in the outside lane today when a funeral procession passed me on the inside lane. Bloody undertakers.

        Comment


          I found a packet of Viagra the other day, took one but it didn't work,

          Looked at packet and it was past it's swell by date
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            A pasty walks into a bar...
            His mate says hi Pasty what you doing here?
            To which the Pasty replies.....


            I'm meetin' potato.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              How do you pull an American girl?

              With a JCB & super-heavy-duty chains.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                National book day today, however it was cancelled in America as someone had finished colouring it in.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Apple computer announced
                  today that it has developed a computer chip that
                  can store and play stereo music in women's breast implants.

                  The iTit,
                  will cost between $499 and $699, depending on‘speaker size’.

                  This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained
                  about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    PokemonGo is more popular than Tinder -







                    Tinder another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area..
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      The new viagra for millionaires such as Sasguru, mr Burton, mr Pryor mr Briers, mr O'Brien mr Attenborough is £1000.00 per tablet

                      It's called Rich-hard

                      Probably not needed by cliff
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X