Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

For the Wail deniers

A market researcher came to my door today and asked, "Do you buy any of the following newspapers; The Sun, The Daily Mail or The Daily Express?"

I replied, "No, I don't."

She said, "What would make you more likely to consider buying these titles?"

I replied, "If the price of Andrex went up."

[vetran]

Up the Sky Fairies

Why is a pint of Guinness like a priest?
Well they both have white collars, black vestments and God help your arse if you get a bad one!

[vetran]

I just found out my best friend Sid has been the victim of id theft.
i now just call him ''S''

[vetran]

I had my first cage fight yesterday....
******* budgie didn't know what hit it.

[vetran]

you need a stiff one

Found a box of Viagra last night. Bloody things didn't work.
Turns out their past their swell by date.

[vetran]

One for Brillo & Zeity

People always mock Manchester United for having legions of fans who live nowhere near Manchester, but I think it happens at most clubs. For example, I know a Derby County supporter and you'd be amazed at the number of Welshmen who tell him they absolutely love getting behind the Rams.

[vetran]

The Donald

Wouldn't it be funny if Donald Trump gave a press interview and someone pulled a gun out just to hear his bodyguard shout, "Donald Duck."

[vetran]

X

I already know the winner of the X factor.
Me... for not watching that tulipe !

[vetran]

Hilary

I was doing my washing yesterday when the owner walked in and sacked the manageress. When she asked why, he told her he was giving her job to Hillary Clinton because "She's got more dirty laundry than you".

[vetran]

For Scooter

Not saying my luck sucks or anything, but today I found out I've caught VD from my hand.