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    for certain posters

    My son came home from school looking really sad today.

    "I always get picked last for games," he moaned.

    "That's probably because you're a fat lazy runt and can't run," I replied.

    "But we were playing chess," he sighed.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      for FLC

      As I walked up to the counter in Asda with a full trolley full of ice cream, the shop assistant said to me.

      "Wow, Is that all for you? Where the hell do you put it all?"

      "In the freezer, mate," I replied.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

        She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

        Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

        Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

        The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

        To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

        On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

        Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

          Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

          Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

          Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

          The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

          "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            I said to my mate in the pub ''Right I'm going to the cinema to see the fat and the furious'' he said 'Don't you mean the FAST and the furious?''
            I said ''No my wife works there''
            Join IPSE

            Comment


              BBC News - Centuries-old stained glass cleaned at last

              Wetherspoons must have finally bought a dish-washer!
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                I was stopped in the street by a woman collecting for Guide Dogs.

                If I'm honest it was a bit of a struggle trying to fit the bone through the little slot.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I thought it was a massive step towards reconciliation when Prince Charles shook the hand of Gerry Adams.

                  Went over the top a bit by offering Adams a free weekend break in Paris, courtesy of the Duke of Edinburgh, though.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    My son thinks I'm a King.

                    He thought he walked in on me knighting Mummy earlier.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job?
                      A patchy gunship!
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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