Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

We call my mate's new girlfriend Wales. Everyone's been there but no-one wants to go back

[vetran]

For Brillo

If I wasn't meant to wear my Batman outfit, then you should have been more specific on 'wear black' in the funeral announcement.

[vetran]

Maths works in mysterious ways. I mean -

2x2 = 4
1x1 = 1
0x0 = a small brown square that can be added to a casserole. (Or a venue for a good night CUK version)

[vetran]

sorry a bit close to the edge but it made me laugh.


I went for a sandwich today & said "Can I have black frog flavour please?"

The guy said "We don't have black frogs in our Subway!"

I thought 'I bet he's a Chelsea fan'

[SimonMac]

Again close to the knuckle:

Skysports News are reporting Adam Johnson has put in a transfer request with the view to force through a move to Rotherham United

[vetran]

Me and the wife were talking yesterday when she asked me whether I thought Google would be male or female if it were a human.
"Simple", I replied, "It would be a woman."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because you can't finish your sentence without it coming up with a different suggestion"

[vetran]

I asked the assistant in JJB Sports what a cricket box was.

Apparently it's a piece of cheap plastic which men put their genitals in.

So, a bit like Katie Price then.

[vetran]

I've got sore joints from all the martial arts I do on my commute to work.

Repetitive train ninjary.

[vetran]

An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth." Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000."
Doctor: "But this is $500..."

Engineer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

[vetran]

Female Logic: Feminists looking for gender equality celebrating International Women's Day.