Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

sorry to the scots

A Scottish solder in full dress uniform marches into a chemist's. Very carefully he opens his sporran
and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandanna. He unfolds that, to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief,
which he also unfolds, to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence," replies the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence," replies the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandanna,
replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout outside, shortly followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
"The regiment has taken a vote," he announces. "We'll have a new one."

[BrilloPad]

Its easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled.

[BrilloPad]

A gorilla escapes from a zoo and rapes a woman.

2 months later she goes for a drink with a friend who asks if she is still upset.

"Of course I am Upset! He doesn't call, doesn't write...."

[BrilloPad]

A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.' The woman wrote 'When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptable for them to engage in sex.' And Bob wrote 'I love sex.'

[BrilloPad]

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

[BrilloPad]

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

[BrilloPad]

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

[BrilloPad]

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

[Alias]

Q: What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?

A: Killed in an underpass in Paris

[SimonMac]

Q: What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?

A: Killed in an underpass in Paris

Topical