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Please put more jokes here

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    I fancied a game of hungry hippos.

    So I went to the weight watchers meeting and threw a pack of maltesers on the floor.

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      Today a lady told me that my smile is utterly infectious. Fair enough, she's a doctor and it's because I have herpes but I'll take it.
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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        https://twitter.com/MemoryAssistant
        {emotionless greeting}

        Three Word Slogan

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          Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
          What about 4-11?
          I have already shown them what they are missing!

          Tell them I am Busy on the third Saturday but we can switch to Sunday, keep the Mondays, Tuesdays & Thursdays.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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            Some kids trick or treating just turned up at my door dressed as Gloria Gaynor.....at first I was afraid. Then I was petrified.!!!!!!!
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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              A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
              The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 1 metre to the left.
              The chemist takes a shot but misses 1 metre to the right.
              The statistician shouts "yes, we got him!"
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

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                Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
                The bartenders says "Sorry, we don't serve Noble gases in here"
                He doesn't react.
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

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                  Quick reminder for insomniacs everywhere:

                  3 more sleeps till Christmas.
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

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                    CYCLOPS: How do you spell Hawaii?
                    WIFE [biting lip] well..you need 2 i's
                    CYCLOPS [puts pen down] my life is just a joke to you isn't it Linda?
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                      What have Las Vegas and Scunthorpe got in common?

                      They are the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips
                      {emotionless greeting}

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