Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I'm having a charity event for people that struggle to orgasm.

Let me know if you can't come.

you might want to invite ex Mrs BP 1->3 & Mr AssGuru.

[BrilloPad]

you might want to invite ex Mrs BP 1->3 & Mr AssGuru.

What about 4-11?

[BR14]

saw this on a product Q&A (solar battery charger) and it quite tickled me.

Question: Has anyone used this in Glasgow, in winter? Does it work?
Answer: I believe this device now works in Glasgow since they have inserted a Glaswegian daylight language chip in its Gorbals socket. However, during the hours of darkness when the language has a tendency to change to a blue hue and particularly during the blootered hours it tends to go into shut down mode. In other words it "works" when its not on benefits.

[WTFH]

If Southern Rail don't put their clocks back this weekend they will have a higher percentage of their trains running on time.

[WTFH]

I was out drinking with my mates the other night when I looked at my phone and noticed 18 missed calls from my wife.

Is she insecure or what?
That's an average of 6 a day.

[WTFH]

I phoned the drugs helpline, it was one of those automated calls. Press 1 to speak to an advisor, etc. I don't understand why they wait to the end to tell you to press hash to order cannabis.

[WTFH]

If you’re looking for the scientist studying sex with dogs, you’ll find him in the lab.

[shaunbhoy]

If you can't remember whether the clocks go forward or back this weekend, here's a handy phrase to help you: the clocks go back this weekend.

[BrilloPad]

If you can't remember whether the clocks go forward or back this weekend, here's a handy phrase to help you: the clocks go back this weekend.

I shall remember that. In March.

[Antman]



Why men shouldn't write advice columns..**

Dear John,*


I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to go back and get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with our neighbour's daughter!*


I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbour's daughter is 19. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they have been having an affair for 6 months. He won't go to counselling and I am afraid I am a wreck and need help urgently.*


Can you please help? Sincerely, Sheila


Dear Sheila,*


A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solve the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.*


I hope this helps,*

John