Please put more jokes here

[northernladuk]

I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Scraping the barrel a bit with that one :

[LondonManc]

I tried to sign up to a website the other day...

I put the password as "BeefStew" but it said my password wasn't stroganoff.

[shaunbhoy]

I don't know why people say I'm boring
The police have just called me a "person of interest".

[WTFH]

This one is Huuuuuge. You'll laugh bigly at it...

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

People are saying, I mean some people are saying that maybe Donald Trump has maybe never had a garbanzo bean on his face.

[shaunbhoy]

At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.
I almost choked on my #brown

[ccole]

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

[ccole]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

[LondonManc]

Congratulations Whitney Houston; four years drug-free this week.

[ccole]

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

[ccole]

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.