Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

"Murray's out" shouted my wife as I walked in the door

"Scottish and now gay, he's not had the best of luck has he" I replied

[vetran]

I told my mate, "Saw some of the living dead today."

"You mean you watched a film." He asserted.

"No, I went through Worthing." I replied.

[vetran]

After seeing that old bloke coming out of court this week guilty of those sex assault charges, I've decided to boycott KFC from now on.

[vetran]

Whenever anyone asks me what I do for a living I tell them I'm a gynecologist.

I'm really a cloakroom assistant in the Houses of Parliament but it's the same thing, I spend all day looking at c**ts.

[vetran]

Blimey, the way things are going at the moment - the BBC won't have any footage left of the 60s, 70s or 80s.

[vetran]

One way or another I'm going to have to stop quoting Blondie lyrics.

[vetran]

A woman has given birth outside the Primark in Birmingham, with staff helping deliver the child and promptly putting it to work.

[vetran]

Called a plumber out the other day. He was Chinese.

Called a builder, he was also Chinese.

Called an electrician out. He was Chinese as well !

Bloody Yellow Pages

[vetran]

I tried to buy a medieval punishment device recently, but I had no luck.

Everywhere was out of stocks.

[vetran]

The Williams sisters had to forfeit their double match today, as Serena wasn't feeling too well.

I'm guessing men's problems.