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Please put more jokes here

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    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    The biggest worry I have over Scottish "Independence" is that the rest of the UK will be blamed for it....
    How is that funny?

    Comment


      A russian ship arrives to the port. Some guy is standing on the shore. A russian sailor from the ship throws a line at him and shouts:
      - Держу каната!
      The guy doesn't react. The sailor shouts again:
      - Держу каната!!!
      The guy still does nothing, staring at him. The sailor asks:
      - Говорите на русски?
      The guy does nothing.
      - Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
      The guy does nothing.
      - Parlez-vous français?
      The guy does nothing.
      - Do you speak English?
      The guy suddenly wakes up and shouts:
      - Yes, I do!
      Then the russian sailor shouts:
      - Но то держу каната!!!

      Comment


        What wine do they drink in church communion.

        Peado Noir.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          The Government has decided that we need to understand the gunpowder plot in modern terms, so from this year on Guy Fawkes Night will now be known as 5/11
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            £200 to install my anti virus package on my PC, £45 for each update plus £10 cos it's sunday charge.

            Wish I'd never gone with Make-A-Fee now
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Decided to learn some French to get into the spirit of things.
              Today I learned Hors d'oeuvres...... and that was just for starters.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                For NLYUK

                Mum used to tell me that having one testicle does not make someone a freak.

                I still say it's creepy, and she should have it removed.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Doing standup for Alzheimer patients is easy

                  You really only need one good joke.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    One day the Pope was walking down an Italian road when he spotted a black magic shop in an alleyway.

                    Curious, he decided to go inside and look around. As he approached the counter, the woman behind told him they were doing a special on Voodoo Dolls.

                    The Pope thought for a few moments and told the woman he would like to buy one. She then informed him he would need to get the hair of the person he would like the doll to represent. He plucked some hair from his head and handed it over the counter. "You want a doll of yourself?" she asked. The Pope nodded and soon left with his doll.

                    The next day the Pope was visiting the victim of abuse at one of his churches. Producing the doll he said to the child, "Show me on the doll where the naughty priest touched you."
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I saw a tramp earlier with a sign saying 'I SMELL AND NEED MONEY FOR CLOTHES AND A BATH'

                      He looked up and asked "Any change sir?"

                      I sniffed and said "Nah, you still need a bath mate"
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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