Wifey: Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?
Me: No
Wifey: How about now?
Me: No
Wifey: How about now?
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Down with racism. Long live miscegenation! -
For the good Doctor Strangelove
'...People say I'm a hoarder.
Not true, because you never know when someone will call round with a Nokia 2160 and needs to connect to a fax machine.'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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For her birthday my wife wanted a framed photograph of our dog in the river.
I think it would make more sense on a wall, personally.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I'm going to have to quit smoking, it just cost me £30 to fill up my zippo lighter !Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Do rednecks only subscribe to OnlyFams?Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I'm the best Elvis impersonator in town.
I can't sing a note, but I had sixteen cheeseburgers for breakfast.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Prince William spotted selling Big Issue in London.
Pretty harsh that he's doing his uncle's community service for him.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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'...Prince William spotted selling Big Issue in central London.
He's just saving the spot for his younger brother Harry, for when Netflix bin him and he's got no income.'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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'....DEEP THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner...
YOU become a vacuum cleaner.'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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A Hollywood star asked if he could buy me a drink with some of the profits from one of his films.
Tom Cruise offered me a Reacher round.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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