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Please put more jokes here

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    I've written a series of books about the different levels of sound.


    There are quite a few volumes.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      150,000 criminal records accidentally deleted from police database due to technical issue.


      The police are calling for backup.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        In communist Soviet Russia, a man saves up enough money to buy a car but theres a 10 year waiting list. He pays his money and the man says 'On this day, 10 years from now, come back and you can collect your car, Comrade. The buyer says 'Morning or afternoon?'. 'Does it matter?' replies the official. The buyer says 'I'd prefer the morning because I've got a plumber coming in the afternoon'.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          My Father fell foul of the 'no jab, no job' rule for workers.


          Nice guy, terrible boxer.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            This lockdown has made me plan ahead.

            I've just ordered my Glastonbury 2022 T shirt size XXXXXXXXXXXXXXL in the hope I'll be able to slim down and fit into it
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              Cook the Pasta
              Grate carrots
              Warm up baked beans
              When the pasta is cooked, drain it and mix with carrots and baked beans
              Crumb 2 slices of bread and mix with a little grated cheese
              Sprinkle the bread and cheese mix onto the pasta mix
              Grill until golden


              This isn't just food. This is Boris Johnson food.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                What do you want?


                SJW: "Diversity on television"


                How do you hope to achieve this?


                SJW: "By allowing only those with my opinion on TV"


                How is that diverse?


                SJW on phone: "Hello, police, I want to report a hate crime!"
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  700 approximate number of the beast.
                  0.666 Number of the milli-beast.
                  668 Next door neighbour of the beast
                  Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

                  Comment


                    I'm a money lender and I recently found out one of my clients who hasn't paid me this month is a paedophile.


                    He must want me to send the boys round.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      I'm a fat alcoholic transvestite! ,
                      All I want to do is eat, drink and be Mary..
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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