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Please put more jokes here

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    I think I just had one of those scam emails. It read:


    "Have you had to walk 500 miles? Were you advised to walk 500 more? If so, you could be entitled to compensation. Call The Pro Claimers now.
    …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

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      The Wife (tm) asked me for something silky for her birthday.


      No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong colour.
      …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

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        Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

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          Dry erase boards are remarkable.

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            Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.

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              A Frenchman, an Irishman and a Jew walked into a bar. What a lovely example of our multicultural society.
              The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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                What do you call it when a cat requests food when the bowl is 50% full?

                Fake mews.

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                  MURDERERS. Disguise your crime as suicide by simply placing a Leonard Cohen CD next to your victim’s body.
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                    Been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately.
                    Most common one seems to be
                    "You said you'd be home from the pub 3 hours ago!"
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                      A man was killed today after jumping on his nemesis from the top of a tower block. He was pronounced dead on a rival.
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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